The List of Things That Scare Shawn Kemp

A couple of years back, me and my fellow Torn ACL associate were enamored with the hilarity that is Shawn Kemp's life. To most his life his sad and tragic but personally I couldn't care about a guy who cost me my first ever sports bet (should have won that dunk contest you jerk, cost me $1). One day it just snowballed into a hilarious list of 110 items (and counting) of items that terrified Mr. Kemp to his core. Bare witness.

1. Halogen light bulbs
2. mowed grass
3. throw pillows
4. people named Gerald
5. salt shakers
6. circus peanuts
7. fake vomit
8. Fonzie
9. cardboard tubes
10. salmon
11. diarrhea
12. table cloths
13. cassette players
14. retards
15. electricity
16. numbers that end in the letter "Y"
17. penis pumps
18. afros
19. genital herpes
20. the word "Jew"
21. street performers
22. Stuart Scott
23. the entire state of Nebraska
24. seafood restaurants
25. lists of things that scare Shawn Kemp
26. roadkill
27. running water
28. ninjas
29. bottle caps
30. sporks
31. people named Shawn
32. people with the last name Kemp
33. freezer bags
34. Rocky II
35. the TV character AC Slater
36. phones
37. doorknobs
38. round things
39. yule logs
40. gas masks
41. Chris Tucker
42. dirty pants
43. gay gerbils
44. The Ultimate Warrior
45. hairnets
46. goats
47. mufflers
48. former President Woodrow Wilson
49. crickets
50. french fries
51. Charlton Heston movies
52. cock rings
53. Jehovah's Witnesses
54. confetti
55. orangutan urine
56. laser beams
57. Star Wars
58. golf carts
59. milk
60. the word "clams"
61. air
62. wood
63. fire
64. inflatable cheese
65. Marky Mark
66. the Space Needle
67. secretaries
68. fireplaces
69. amusement parks
70. Ben Freemer's man boobs
71. Russians
72. people whose name rhymes with "Jay"
73. Wendy's drive-thru
74. grundle hair
75. acorns
76. buildings with over 7 floors
77. buttons
78. ear plugs
79. Sean Elliott
80. scotch tape
81. sombreros
82. ice cubes
83. Double Dragon
84. fishing poles
85. Gary Payton's rectum
86. Columbus Day
87. leaves
88. Santa
89. lampshades
90. zuchini
91. Bel Biv Devoe
92. radiation
93. people who look like a "Dave"
94. Fridays
95. armpits
96. lawn chairs
97. Shakespearean actors
98. street lights
99. Australia
100. Denny's employees
101. tornadoes
102. movies about tornadoes
103. leprechauns
104. wooden nickels
105. fake blood
106. paint thinner
107. yo-yos
108. Clarence Weatherspoon
109. rugs
110. chocolate bunnies

And that is pretty comprehensive...oh wait silly me, I almost forgot

111. child support